carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
