she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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