Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
