they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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