If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
