i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
