I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
