Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
