OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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