Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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