Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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