So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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