no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
