Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
