i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
