If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
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i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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