I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
