I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize