I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
