That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize