he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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