I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My hand turned me down
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
