someone threw a dead crab at me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
