Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
