i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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