it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
