i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
