Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
