Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
