I feel great
I just peed on a car
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
