i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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