hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
