sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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