ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize