shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
