dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
