he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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