im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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