I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
