Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
