Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
only if we run a train.
done.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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