so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
