Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
