I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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