Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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