sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
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A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
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I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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