In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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