the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
