I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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