get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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