I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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