my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
