How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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