I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
