6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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