I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
