meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
