Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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