Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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