$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
