just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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