a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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