he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
