I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
