I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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