So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
