it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
