make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
